Marriage Preparation Gifts

'Darling...a prenup how wonderful!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

The Happiest Hen in Acle

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

'You've changed since we got married.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'You must have one arm shorter than the other.'

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

"I have to confess a sin, Preacher. I went premarital shopping."

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'You just lost points for so easily getting that Geeky 'Star Trek' reference.'

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

"Oh for goodness sake, Walter...speak up when the minister asks you a question!"

'Happy anniversary! It's a season pass for us to go to marriage counseling.'

Scenes from a successful marriage.

"Pre-nups are healthy for a relationship. It's good for our lawyers to get to know one another."

"We constantly argue, go days without talking, and the sex is virtually non-existent."

"I'm not withholding. I'm busy."

"I think he had the idea he was looking at costume jewelry."

"Just because I didn't tell you to shut up doesn't mean I wasn't listening."