Wedding Prep Gifts

"With my dollar dance, I've raised enough money to buy Christmas presents for everybody."

Lesbian civil partnership.

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Boat wedding.

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

'He does.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"...until death do you a favor."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

Wedding disaster #27.

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'