Wedding Prep Gifts

"With my dollar dance, I've raised enough money to buy Christmas presents for everybody."

Lesbian civil partnership.

"You may now kiss the bride..."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

Boat wedding.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'I always cry at weddings!'

'He does.'

"...until death do you a favor."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"