Pre-wedding Planning Gifts

Tunnel of love - pre-nuptial agreement

Lesbian civil partnership.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Boat wedding.

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'He does.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

"...until death do you a favor."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

Wedding disaster #27.

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'