Planning Weddings Gifts

Surprise at the Royal Wedding

'He and I still haven't agreed on a date. I want a traditional wedding with all the trimmings and he doesn't want to get married.'

Lesbian civil partnership.

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

Boat wedding.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"...until death do you a favor."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'I always cry at weddings!'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'He does.'

Wedding disaster #27.

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"