Wedding Plans Gifts

"You don’t have to answer now."

Lesbian civil partnership.

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Boat wedding.

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"...until death do you a favor."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'He does.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'I always cry at weddings!'

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Wedding disaster #27.

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"