Wedding Plans Gifts

"You don’t have to answer now."

Lesbian civil partnership.

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Boat wedding.

"...until death do you a favor."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'He does.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"