Wedding Preparation Gifts

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'You must have one arm shorter than the other.'

Everything for the Wedding.

'My strawberry cleansing cream, sesame oil skin moisturiser, and goat's milk soap have ruined my diet. At this rate I won't fit into my wedding gown.'

"I think he had the idea he was looking at costume jewelry."

"No, Matt, it wouldn’t be ‘dope’ if you rapped your wedding vows!"

"I need something to dissolve superglue that will be safe on tulle and cat fur, and that's all the information I'm prepared to offer at this time."

'To qualify for a license, you must pass the marriage test. We put you in a room with your prospective mother-in-law for 24 hours.'

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'

'I need a large increase in my allowance, Dad - I'm getting married in a few weeks!'

'Honey, before you marry my son you better read the list of his side effects.'

Marriage

"It's a 'Save the Date' refrigerator magnet."

Lesbian civil partnership.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"