Marriage Prepper Gifts

"Oh for goodness sake, Walter...speak up when the minister asks you a question!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

'You've changed since we got married.'

Zombie Problems

"Which one's yours?"

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"OK, now what?"

The End is Nigh

Parson and abandoned husband

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'You can have a cute little boy like me. All you have to do is get pregnant.'

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"Marriage and relationships?...That would be under 'Arts and Science'!"

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"I'm going to New Zealand for a walk."

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

"Your wife is in overly critical condition."

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

"Couples therapy is not 'going out', Henry!"

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."