Parenthood Preppers Gifts

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

'You can have a cute little boy like me. All you have to do is get pregnant.'

Baby pram as a tank

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

Toys in the DVD Player.

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"Which one's yours?"

S.O.S. vaccine

Holiday Gifts 2020

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

Maternity Arrivals

'Evan, I think your little sister may be trapped in there with you!. . . Jennifer! Are you in there, honey?'

Trick or Treatment.

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

"Oh for goodness sake, Walter...speak up when the minister asks you a question!"

Baby Wind Up.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Winter Clothing'

'They can be so modest at this age.'

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

"They're expecting their first baby by surrogate mother!"

"It would be unwise to attend an interview without doing any preparation in advance.

"As you can see, hands are about to hit peak dryness, so we're predicting record lotion sales for next quarter."

'What do you mean you're going into labor, dear? It's only Saturday. Can't you wait 'til Monday?'

Hazmat suit

"Your baby's fussiness, whining, and general discontent isn't anything to worry about. It should clear up on its own in about 18 years."

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

'Babies Unlimited, free delivery.'

Safe harbour