Parenthood Pros Gifts

"Uh oh. It's the kids...and they're flying back!"

I don't know. I thought they were with you. World's Best Dad. World's Best Mom.

'This is outrageous. You should be in school.'

Toys in the DVD Player.

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"They grow up so fast."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

The Baby Walker

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Low-Energy Drinks

A mother and baby elephant

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Baby pram as a tank

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."