Parenthood Pioneers Gifts

"They're expecting their first baby by surrogate mother!"

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'You have done nothing to complain ever since you got here!'

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"Try pausing him."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Baby pram as a tank

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Growth Charts

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"We have the exact same taste."

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'