Parenthood Pioneers Gifts

"They're expecting their first baby by surrogate mother!"

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'You have done nothing to complain ever since you got here!'

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"Try pausing him."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Low-Energy Drinks

Baby pram as a tank

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"We have the exact same taste."

Growth Charts

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

"He won't eat anything but corn."