Parenthood Preparationist Gifts

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Baby pram as a tank

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

Toys in the DVD Player.

"Which one's yours?"

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

'You can have a cute little boy like me. All you have to do is get pregnant.'

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

Maternity Arrivals

"Congratulations, you're expecting triplets."

"Why are you special? Because I'm your mommy, and I'm special."

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

"Are we there yet?"

"He seems to be a bit of a crybaby."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

"Have you ever heard the saying, 'Two heads are better than one'?"

Baby Shower

"We discussed a lot of options but decided on a water birth."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Winter Clothing'

"I hate to be a dream snatcher but your baby is going to be just average."

'They can be so modest at this age.'

"Your baby is fine, but we're keeping her overnight as a precaution. Here's a loaner."

'We should probably think about baby proofing the place a bit.'