Parenthood Preparer Gifts

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Toys in the DVD Player.

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"Which one's yours?"

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

Frog Baby Names

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

'You can have a cute little boy like me. All you have to do is get pregnant.'

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"It's a Facebook Friend Request."

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"Congratulations, you're expecting triplets."

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

Maternity Arrivals

'Help me, sir... I want to save my last sip of lemonade, but it doesn't work!'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'