Marriage Guide Seeker Gifts

'Tel me, Bernie; when did we start going downhill?'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

Parson and abandoned husband

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"This is one of those things you should share before marriage."

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'Our marriage is like a one-way street, and I'm behind him, honking my horn...'

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"When we have fun, we really have fun."

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

'It's another special interest call senator - your wife!'