Marriage Guide Seeker Pillows

'Tel me, Bernie; when did we start going downhill?'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

Parson and abandoned husband

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"This is one of those things you should share before marriage."

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

"I'm not withholding. I'm busy."

'It's another special interest call senator - your wife!'

"When we have fun, we really have fun."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

'Our marriage is like a one-way street, and I'm behind him, honking my horn...'

'Do you, Edward, promise to play second fiddle and also pay the piper?'

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"