Marriage Advice Seeker Pillows

'Can you supply a faster internet connection and a faster husband?'

"I'm not withholding. I'm busy."

'My wife doesn't understand me -- unfortunately, her mother does.'

'The secret to peaceful, wedded bliss, son, is TWO TV sets!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

Parson and abandoned husband

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

'Here's how you'll know for sure. Does he always get dreamy and say it, like 'I l-o-o-o-v-e you,' - or is it just a tossed-off, 'Love ya!?'

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

'Face it, Tharg, girls just don't want to be abducted any more.'

Warbling on the First Date

The Neuro — The First Official Worldwide Currency

"I never said 'I love you'. I said 'I love ya'. Big difference!"

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

'If you weren't afraid to commit, you'd CARVE it, not use a pencil.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

"Well - I don't know what possessed her..."

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'