Marital Wisdom Seeker Pillows

Parson and abandoned husband

Avoid alimony, stay single or stay married.

"I've been married a long time. I come here to finish my own sentences."

"No matter how sincerely you apologise to your wife, the answer is always the same: 'It's too late now.'"

"My wife drives me to drink."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

This is forever... till death do us part...

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

"I'm not withholding. I'm busy."

'Do you, Edward, promise to play second fiddle and also pay the piper?'

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

"Hey, I'm in the mood for love—be back in a few hours."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

"So you both think each other is an idiot. . . who said we wouldn't find some common ground?"

Big Brother. 'No you can't have her evicted'.

'No, you can't speak to my husband. He's sitting on the naughty step.'

"You need a husband transplant"

'Can you supply a faster internet connection and a faster husband?'

'Look, can't you take it in turns to do the daily Sudoku?'

Irreconcilable Differences.

'Oh, did you say something, dear?'