Marriage Planning Gifts

"Darling, how wonderful ...a prenup!"

Lesbian civil partnership.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Boat wedding.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"...until death do you a favor."

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'I always cry at weddings!'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'He does.'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Wedding disaster #27.

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'