Marriage Mediator Laugh Gifts

"I'm finding it difficult to apologize to you,so I've decided to divorce you instead!"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

"Let's take in a trial."

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'Objection over-ruled!'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'