Marriage Laughter Gifts

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

His and Hers Wedding

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Let's take in a trial."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'I told you he had a temper.'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'