Sense Of Humor In Marriage Gifts

'You can't take things personally --- it's only marriage.'

Skeleton playing fetch.

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Let's take in a trial."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"No heroic measures."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'