Sense Of Humor In Marriage Gifts

'You can't take things personally --- it's only marriage.'

Skeleton playing fetch.

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

"Let's take in a trial."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"No heroic measures."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'