Marriage Mediator Laugh Pillows

"I'm finding it difficult to apologize to you,so I've decided to divorce you instead!"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

"Let's take in a trial."

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'Objection over-ruled!'

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."