Marital Mediation Enthusiast Gifts

'She's sex mad - gets mad if I want it!'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

She - Interpreter - He.

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

"How much is this going to cost me?"

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

'Your wife says you were married for 50 years and now you want to communicate?'

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

'Objection over-ruled!'

'And he seems to think he's God's gift to women.'

'You say he's stubborn, mean, cantankerous, won't take orders, sometimes won't move? Are you talking about your mule or your husband?'

"Look, like I keep telling what's-her-name here, we don't have a marriage problem."

'Share your innermost feelings or the remote gets it.'

"This is just like you, beverly. We're supposed to meet alone and you bring your attorney."

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

"He's not the frog I married."

"No I don't have a motor bike - just a big angry missus!"

'To you, it's alphabet soup...to me, it's verbal abuse.'

"Not right now, Sweetie, mommy's got her own 'Partisan Impasse' to deal with."