Marital Mediation Enthusiast Gifts

'She's sex mad - gets mad if I want it!'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

She - Interpreter - He.

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

"How much is this going to cost me?"

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

'Your wife says you were married for 50 years and now you want to communicate?'

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

'Objection over-ruled!'

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

'And he seems to think he's God's gift to women.'

'Share your innermost feelings or the remote gets it.'

'You say he's stubborn, mean, cantankerous, won't take orders, sometimes won't move? Are you talking about your mule or your husband?'

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

"This is just like you, beverly. We're supposed to meet alone and you bring your attorney."

"Look, like I keep telling what's-her-name here, we don't have a marriage problem."

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

"He's not the frog I married."

'To you, it's alphabet soup...to me, it's verbal abuse.'

"Then just when I thought all my marriage problems were over, he started breathing again!"