Marital Negotiation Pro Gifts

She - Interpreter - He.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'Duly noted. Now, shall we move on or does anyone else feel the need to have a conniption?'

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

"It's not what you think."

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

"I'll abandon my medium-and shorter-range missiles if you'll abandon yours."

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'