Market Maniac Gifts

"Eddie, don't think of the money you lost in oil stocks. Think of the money you're saving on gas."

Sounds of the opening bell: 50c. (Stock broker on holiday.)

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

We need to put more money into Lithuanian sardine futures...I think that warrants bonuses all around!

Dow Jones drop

His temperature appears to rise and fall with the FT index

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

'The market shifted on me.'

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

Vulture sitting over a plummeting graph.

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

"Which way up do you want it?"

The Contrarian funds

The two faces of capitalism.

"We're a cable giant, you're a cable giant."

Lady in Card Shop sees Sympathy Cards section with 'Bear Market', 'Falling Dollar' and 'Inflation' categories.

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

"Looks like the high tech shares have taken another fall."

The Cattle show Week.

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

(Stocks) (Bonds) (Off Wall St.)

Got out of the market too soon; got back in too late.

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service