Market Magician Gifts

News on television: 'On Wall Street, stocks rebounded on news that 'up' and 'down' are just states of mind.'

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

Indian executive playing flute to a business chart like a snake charmer.

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

The Art of Economic Analysis.

'We haven't posted a profit in 15 years. I suggest we re-think our concept.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'I should warn you that results may vary concerning any wishes about the stock market.'

Long and Short Term Investments.

'After a hectic day of trading, some of our traders need to decompress.'

Woman with crystal ball working at an investment company.

Ticker-tape.

'...on one hand I'm bullish and on the other hand I'm bearish.'

RIP Arlo P Hall - He made his pile and got out before the market went bust.

"My organization will ALSO be focusing on this section here."

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Google stock IPO.

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

"I just can't seem to get ahead in the market."

'I should warn you that results may vary concerning any wishes about the stock market.'

'Sales are down. We tried to make the latest version, of our best selling software, foolproof. Apparently, someone was making better fools.'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into paint medication companies.'

"Actually, these are more valuable than the golden ones now."

"The market reacted today on rumors that the rumors were only rumors..."

'How's about spicing up that dull portfolio with options on whether it will rain tomorrow?'

"My broker gave me this Wall Street rally cap."

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

Stockbrokers - It was a small blip in the market - sorry, you were wiped out.

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."