Marketing Magicians Gifts

'...Higgins wondered how invisibility would look on the shelf.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Team Leader

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

Elevator Pitch

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

'My market doesn't understand me.'

'When you do the article, is there any way that you can squeeze the factory into the picture?'

'In keeping with the team approach, we've traded you for two middle managers to be named later.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

You trip on it, you buy it.

"Remember, Katie, genius is 10% inspiration and 80% media manipulation."

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

'Lucky for us, there's a sucker born every minute.'

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."