Mystical Marketer Gifts

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Asking out a palm reader.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"That's our new church mascot."

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Floss Street Vendor

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'

The church of our lady of wall street.

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

'But what do you sell?'

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

Child selling cold lemonade in the winter

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

Doomsday marketing

The Death Star gets a marketing makeover.

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."