Marketing Wizards Gifts

"I'd like you to meet our director of scratch-and-sniff advertising."

You've renamed your small coffee? It's called a big now. That's absurd! It's the same size - the smallest size! It's marketing hooey! Why not call this napkin a scone?! Careful. Huh? Brilliant! Sale on scones! Oh dear.

'I say, Cardigan, this Lite Brigade idea is just another silly marketing ploy.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"All it takes is a little marketing, Tia Carmen!"

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

'I found this sales plan from 1977 ...'

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"Now the first thing you have to do is to get a client's attention."

'You may have three mergers.'

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'

"What I want from you, is a big budget event with a low budget, budget."

'... And for $50 more, this is the same basketball shoe in a turbo model.'

Google signwriter.

"I think it was one Christmas TV advert too many."

'But what do you sell?'

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'Henderson, Sir - marketing.'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

Wishing Well: Tax reciept available for business related wishes.

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

"Here's the artist's conception of your proposed smile."

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

"I didn't think much of the plot, but I like the product placement."

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'