Market Crash Gifts

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

The symbol for the euro (?) depicted as the wheel of a wheelchair, symbolising the state of the currency

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Next on 'evening shouting match'...is it a bull or bear market?'

Tesla Shares Tanking Into Swastika

'Back in the day, you could leverage . . .'

Stock market books.

Animal worries.

'Your investments in sub prime mortgages have become collectors items now! Aren't you excited?'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

It's 10 p.m. Do you know how low your investment banking stocks can go?

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

Masochism for stockholders.

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

Sign reading "Bought High; Sold Low."

Easy street ends.

China Raining on Wall Street

'It's safe to come out now; they're done recapping today's market.'

'My investment objective is to keep up with my neighbors, the Joneses, who just won the lottery.'

A vacancy in the Finance Department

"Sure, you lost most of your money investing in this stock, but they did give you a participation trophy."

"Well, we've just run out of toilet paper, but I guess we can use our stock options instead."

"Nothing in my hat. Nothing up my sleeve. And as of right now, ladies and gentlemen, nothing at all left in my goddamn portfolio."

Don't worry, when it's time to start jumping out of windows I'll tell you.

'If it's any consolation, your portfoilo is now in a far better place.'

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

'Our new client wants to invest in high risk stocks, book my usual seat at the craps table.'

'Your portfolio took a beating...,but the good news is no humans or animals were injured.'

"I'm worried about US jobs - especially mine."

Just in: Condolence cards for the small investor.