Marital Challenge Gifts

And that was the last time Rodney ever 'checked-in.'

"I resent it when people come into complain about their spouses, especially when one is my husband."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Wanna talk about it?

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'Will I still be married?'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Diplomacy

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

'We don't text anymore.'

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"My wife is constantly invading my personal space. I think she gets it from her family."

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'