Comedic Marital Challenges Gifts

'Actually, it's after I returned home when I was held as a POW...'prisoner of wife.'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'We don't text anymore.'

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

They Removed my Brain.

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'