Manuscript Maverick Gifts

'Too many exclamation points!!!!!!'

'Your Latest Book? Just giving it some attention'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Do me next."

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"Can you rewrite this in 3-D?"

In, Out, Shake it all about

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

'The first thing we will do is select a block captain.'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."