Manuscript Maestro Gifts

Editor.

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

Writer to Acquisitions Editor: 'Yes, I'm greatly influenced by others' writings ... particularly checks written by editors.'

'Thank you for your submission. If we're interested, we'll be in touch.'

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

After hundreds of submissions, he had finally been asked to lunch with the editor of the quarterly.

Unpublished novelists of the world unite!

'Are you printing your own book?'

Sorry I've got Writer's Block.

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

I read your manuscript. There's less here than meets the eye.

What's the problem? Your short story is your novel minus every second word!

"He's celebrating finishing the last page of his novel... Now he's just got 436 that come before it to write!"

A writer falls asleep over their manuscript

Publishing

Aspiring author

"We've had second thoughts about your manuscript. Can you dispose of it yourself?"

"Sure, if this was New York, I'd be your editor and you'd be the author - but this is L.A., so I'm your agent and you're the whatever."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

You're supposed to just copy it. The Archbishop says to knock off the ad libs!

Dear Author: Good news: we hear Uber us hiring...

"Dear Author: It is with great pleasure that we reject your latest. Yours, the Editors."

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Do me next."

Nathaniel Hawthorne

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Still suffering from writer's block?"