Manuscript Artisan Gifts

"They have a wonderful author-editor relationship."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Do me next."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'Quit fooling around, Gog. Do the assignment.'

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"Can you rewrite this in 3-D?"

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

'It's a slice of life...I cut a long story short.'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

Hmm... all I need to do now is invent the wheel...

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

'I figured if you liked the first paragraph I'd go ahead and finish the book.'

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."