Manuscript Muse Gifts

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

'Lou the nightwatchman loved your submission.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Do me next."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"Can you rewrite this in 3-D?"

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

'It's a slice of life...I cut a long story short.'

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."