Manuscript Mystic Gifts

'I figured if you liked the first paragraph I'd go ahead and finish the book.'

"Do me next."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Editor.

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"I feel that I have at least one more unpublished novel in me."

"Can you rewrite this in 3-D?"

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."

'It's a slice of life...I cut a long story short.'

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

"Honey! A Jewish starfish!"

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

'Thank you for your submission. If we're interested, we'll be in touch.'

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

"They have a wonderful author-editor relationship."

'Too many exclamation points!!!!!!'

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

"Sure, if this was New York, I'd be your editor and you'd be the author - but this is L.A., so I'm your agent and you're the whatever."

'Don't jump. It's a book publisher!'

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."