Manuscript Maker Gifts

Building with people all looking out of the windows, thinking, caption 'WRITER'S BLOCK'.

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

"They say to get over writer's block, you should write what you know about. So...I wrote about writer's block."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Do me next."

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"Can you rewrite this in 3-D?"

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

'The first thing we will do is select a block captain.'

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

'It's a slice of life...I cut a long story short.'

Proceedings of the club

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."