Management Pundit Gifts

I have the feeling we are being micromanaged...

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'At the sales department, we've got to meet our performance targets. We're not here to care about reality.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"I think we should try something a little simpler."

'Risky, but I like it!'

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"Fact amnesty"

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Davos.

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

Giant merger.

"Right now I'm mostly in cash."

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"Take the severance package, Hayward. The rest of the board wanted a ritual slaying."

Conservatives' Golden Economic Legacy

'The treasury decided to use bob geldof's speechwriter this year!'

Euro fall...

Liquidity Lunch

'You realize, of course, Death is the ultimate tax shelter?'

"Anyone who opposes my proposal lift an arm!"

Credit Crunch: Breakfast for Losers.

"Apparently there's been a slowdown in China."

Wall Street: Panic, don't panic

Al, you know how a lot of people in Britain regretted their decision to leave the European Union? I was just wondering if you ever regretted your decision to leave the human race.

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

Hog magazine with litters to the editor dept.

Foxconn: Outsourcer Outsources Outsourced...What?