Portfolio Pundit Gifts

'That's the trouble with theae Chinese stocks -- an hour later you want to invest again.'

'Before you get into the market, Mr. Root, we need to test your pain threshold!'

"Right now I'm mostly in cash."

"I never expected my investment portfolio to have anorexia."

'Timmy, do you have my investments portfolio? I have your homework.'

'What's that terrible smell?'

That stock you purchased at 180 is back up to 10.

'My mistake! Your stock portfolio GAINED one hundred percent!'

'Don't let this market get to you, Dave. Remember, it's happening to your brother-in-law, too.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"Well, if it isn't Ed Dunlop! You used to be my chief stock picker."

Investments: New - Starred Items In Your Portfolio Mean 'Suitable For Vegans'.

"Remember, Mr. Holtz, whatever doesn't destroy you makes you greedier."

Hate Platforms

In the Guru District

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Difference of Opinion

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."