Portfolio Pundit T-Shirts

'That's the trouble with theae Chinese stocks -- an hour later you want to invest again.'

'Before you get into the market, Mr. Root, we need to test your pain threshold!'

"Right now I'm mostly in cash."

"I never expected my investment portfolio to have anorexia."

'Timmy, do you have my investments portfolio? I have your homework.'

'What's that terrible smell?'

That stock you purchased at 180 is back up to 10.

'My mistake! Your stock portfolio GAINED one hundred percent!'

'Don't let this market get to you, Dave. Remember, it's happening to your brother-in-law, too.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"Well, if it isn't Ed Dunlop! You used to be my chief stock picker."

Investments: New - Starred Items In Your Portfolio Mean 'Suitable For Vegans'.

"Remember, Mr. Holtz, whatever doesn't destroy you makes you greedier."

Hate Platforms

In the Guru District

They're Not Just That Into It

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

Difference of Opinion

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'