Stock Market Pundit Gifts

Stock Market Index Fund and In case of Emergency Manic Depressive Therapy.

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

Lemonade - $500 A Glass! 'Yes, my prices high, but how else am I supposed to buy a Boulevart M109R? Certainly not on my allowance.'

'Risky, but I like it!'

Davos.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'Next on 'evening shouting match'...is it a bull or bear market?'

Stock Market Research and Analysis

"Right now I'm mostly in cash."

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

Conservatives' Golden Economic Legacy

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'The treasury decided to use bob geldof's speechwriter this year!'

Euro fall...

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

Liquidity Lunch

"Anyone who opposes my proposal lift an arm!"