Pricing Pundit Gifts

"I blame the regulators for giving predatory pricing a bad name."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Lemonade - $500 A Glass! 'Yes, my prices high, but how else am I supposed to buy a Boulevart M109R? Certainly not on my allowance.'

'Risky, but I like it!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

"Right now I'm mostly in cash."

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

Liquidity Lunch

'The treasury decided to use bob geldof's speechwriter this year!'

Euro fall...

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

Beef Stew.

Wall Street: Panic, don't panic

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

Credit Crunch: Breakfast for Losers.

Hog magazine with litters to the editor dept.

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"As a cost-cutting measure, for our fall list we have decided to bypass traditional bookstore sales and subsequent remaindering, and instead go directly to the shredder."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Bad news airbag

'That's the trouble with theae Chinese stocks -- an hour later you want to invest again.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

I might have granted your loan request, if it wasn't written on a beer mat.

'We lost your case, but the PR was a success. Three publishers are bidding on your story, and 30 PTAs are petitioning to have the book banned.'

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'