Profiteering Pundit Gifts

That'll be �57.50, Potter.

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'Risky, but I like it!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"Fact amnesty"

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

'It Kicked!' - 'Punt, Drop or Tad?'

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

Hog magazine with litters to the editor dept.

"As a cost-cutting measure, for our fall list we have decided to bypass traditional bookstore sales and subsequent remaindering, and instead go directly to the shredder."

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

Bad news airbag

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

Voice of the GOP

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."

"The good news is, we've managed to secure you a ?7 per week pay increase. The bad news is, we're going to charge ?2 per day to park your cars."

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

'We lost your case, but the PR was a success. Three publishers are bidding on your story, and 30 PTAs are petitioning to have the book banned.'

'We'd better schedule an autopsy audit.'

'Now this is the kind of office decor I like.'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

"That is definitely going to be regarded as excess profits"

"President Whipple couldn't make it."