Magical Realist Gifts

Characters jumping out of a book.

"I wish I was less gullible when it comes to money."

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

Hogwarts Academy. What magic? This is a veterinary school specializing in swine skin conditions.

Genius.

'Wow! SHE certainly makes a convincing witch, doesn't she, hon?'

Parking spaces for broomsticks.

Witch uses her broomstick as a washing line.

Something happened to the cows...

Bathroom Fairy

Chicken wishbone makes son's wish come true

Mother of all candidates

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"We'll always have Paris..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

Cheeze Wiz.

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

Marriage least expected to last...

Isabel Allende

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

A Zircon Is Forever

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"