Magic Realist Gifts

Cheeze Wiz.

'What do you mean the FDA is going to start regulating the use of eyes of Newts?'

'I can grant you 3 wishes, but I'm not responsible for the tax ramifications.'

"Believe me, there's a difference between fairy dust and pixie dust, but this is gravel from your driveway."

"Now that's power."

'What do you mean, 'you can't think of anything'?'

''I'm really sorry about this, but having your job was one of his wishes.'

'I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to make CEO.'

"Nope, Genies come in lamps. What usually washes ashore is garbage, sewage, medical waste and an occasional litigator."

Airport

"Wanting to view it after taxes will cost you another wish."

Characters jumping out of a book.

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

Isabel Allende

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Bathroom Fairy

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Dad, I checked a book out at the library...can you read it with me?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

Unicorn in the Woods

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

"Hello, Number 6!"

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"I am the Genie of the Bong! I will grant you... um... I am the Genie of the Bong!"

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

Al, I hear that only one out of 100 art school graduates goes on to make a living in art. That's where I was smart, Axel: I flunked out!

Hogwarts Academy. What magic? This is a veterinary school specializing in swine skin conditions.