Magical Job Hunter Gifts

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Have you got a resume?'

Are you able to concentrate on your work? My mind wanders a lot but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

'For a raise you must apply in person to our Bombay office...'

"Do you have any other qualities to offer apart from loyalty?"

"Any other strengths?"

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"