Unconventional Job Hunter Gifts

"Interesting CV, we haven't had anyone with a qualification in 'being really good at stuff' before."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

Caged Businessman

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

Now hiring.

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

Branch Manager Interviews: "Who's next?"

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"Yes, but is 'Bigfoot enthusiast' an actual job?"

'Do you have an appointment?'

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

"Tell us something we don't know."