Unconventional Job Hunter Gifts

"Interesting CV, we haven't had anyone with a qualification in 'being really good at stuff' before."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

Caged Businessman

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

Branch Manager Interviews: "Who's next?"

"Yes, but is 'Bigfoot enthusiast' an actual job?"

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

'Do you have an appointment?'

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

'Any awards or honors?'