Job Hunter Extra Ordinaire Gifts

"The really impressive thing about my references is I don't even owe them money!"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

Caged Businessman

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Have you got a resume?'

Are you able to concentrate on your work? My mind wanders a lot but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'