Unusual Jobs Gifts

"I'm an elephant podiatrist-what do you do?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Office Park

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'My resume,...in rap form!'

'How much for you to do my tax return?'

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

'Heel! HEEL! Bad potato!'

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

You are what you collect.

What sort of job are you after?

'I could do that!'

A sign you're not applying at a fortune 500 company...

"I think we can take him off the shortlist."

"What's your biggest weakness?"

"Interesting CV, we haven't had anyone with a qualification in 'being really good at stuff' before."

Al, I'm pleased that you followed my advice and took up a hobby, but … howling at the moon?

Lester P. Dunwoody. A mysteriously happy square peg in a round hole that none of us can figure out.

'I make Swiss army knives.'

There's not a lot of call for 'serial' kid.

Candidates for Water Divining

'I'm looking for a temp job to fill the gap between my indictment and incarceration.'

'And what do you do for a living Richard?' 'I'm a Lightning Conductor.'

"This is Gerald - he puts on the rubber bands."

"I can't imagine where I'd be today if it hadn't been for my high-school guidance counselor."

'I teach foreign languages to ATM machines. What do you do?'

Donut Ho

'It has put a bit of strain on the marriage, to be honest, his career as 'the human fly'.'

"I'm thinking of forming a cult, Doreen."

'I wish you would go back to training elephants , Otto !'

'Here, every shift is the graveyard shift, Collins.'