Working In Unique Occupations Gifts

'Here, every shift is the graveyard shift, Collins.'

Shoe Shine/Lace Tie

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"We've developed a five year plan that includes ample provisions for another five year plan if this one doesn't work."

"...then finally, I got serious and started a band."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

Office Park

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"Yes, but is 'Bigfoot enthusiast' an actual job?"

On his first day as a paramedic Henry suffered Pre-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

'What training do I get?'

'Dad, I'm a lab-rat by choice, it's my profession. Now you're just going to have to accept the fact that you have a son who's pregnant!'

Teddy Bears for all trades

'I could do that!'

"I want to be a spam master when I grow up. You'll find a sample of my work on your computer."

' You misread the ad,I'm looking for a light-weight engine.'

"Interesting CV, we haven't had anyone with a qualification in 'being really good at stuff' before."

"I'm an elephant podiatrist-what do you do?"

Window cleaner taking ladder out from under his colleague.

'First time, is it?'

There's not a lot of call for 'serial' kid.

'I make Swiss army knives.'

"He's non union. He works days as a hunter, and nights as a gatherer."

'And what do you do for a living Richard?' 'I'm a Lightning Conductor.'

"This is Gerald - he puts on the rubber bands."

'If at first you don't succeed...have you ever thought of becoming a personnel officer?'

'I teach foreign languages to ATM machines. What do you do?'

"I can't imagine where I'd be today if it hadn't been for my high-school guidance counselor."

Donut Ho

'And as a full time employee, Ruth you're entitled to 15 percent of all caskets and embalming supplies.'

'We don't have much at the moment for pimps.'

"How did a guy like you ever get into a business like this?"